Radiology Oncology

We met with the Radiology Oncology in Tucson and I signed the paperwork stating that I know the risk that accompanies radiation. Now they will order the iodine seeds and start to build the plaque that will hold the seeds. The plaque is bowl shaped in which they will place the iodine seeds in and the bowl shape is covered with gold to keep the radiation from going anywhere else.

Here is a picture of the plaque.



Also a picture of how they put it in the eye. Doesn't that look like everyone would want one?




I will go to Tucson again after the plaque is made, about 4 weeks, and they will sew the plaque into my eye and I will have it in place for 1 week. The radiation will be directed towards the tumor and the goal is to shrink it completely. I am not supposed to be near children or pregnant people. I am supposed to keep a 6 foot distance of people. Ross will have to sleep in the spare bedroom. I will wear a lead patch when I am near people. So the chances are very small that any radiation would reach anyone. These are the rules I have to follow. I am just glad that I get to come home for that week.

Ross and I feel very confident in the procedure and feel like we have been lead in the right direction.

We have been on the internet to study all the options. I have read so much about what to eat, not to eat, that I am confused. One site will tell you to drink carrot juice another stating no. I felt the impression that I need to study the Word of Wisdom. So I read it again and I feel that is the answer. We will keep researching. I want to shrink the tumor and get my body in optimum condition so the cancer will have a hard time spreading.

The Doctor called to tell me that the cancer has not spread at this time. That was a big relief. Now to keep it that way. Keep the cancer in my eye and shrink it.

In life we all have challenges and I guess the test is to see how we handle it. I am trying to find the blessings of cancer.

Today when Ross and I were looking on the computer and he said to me, "Linda you have cancer and it is very serious." That hit me hard. I knew I did, but down deep it I think I kept wishing I didn't. I do have cancer and it is in my DNA even if this tumor shrinks. I will always have it. I will keep up the fight.

My hand is in the Lord's hand, and I am hanging on tight. Interesting on how much more the sacrament means to me. When I study or read the scriptures, I have a different perspective.

Love ya all. I have felt the prayers and thank you for them.

LINDA

Power of Prayers

The blood vessel feeding the tumor

I have had so many blessings that I know that the power of prayer has played a big part in my eye. The pain has diminished. I can look around the room and not feel the discomfort that I felt. I can drive and look around and the light doesn't bother me as much. That is truly a blessing.

I especially felt all the prayers when we went down to the Doctors in Tucson. Dr. Cameron Javid ran every test he can offer. I have a choroidal melanoma and it is a tumor in my eye and it is elevated to the size of a pea. Ross drove me down there and as we were getting ready to go, my sweet Visiting Teacher, Kelly Shiflet stopped by and gave a goodie bag to take down for the trip. When she brought me that I knew that was a sign from God that he was with me and aware of me. Through the hands of others I have felt the most amazing peace. I thought of all the prayers on my behalf and I felt like I had an army behind me. There was so much strength in knowing I had so many people praying for me, that words can't describe. I have friends praying in Italy and Brazil

In the doctors office I was quite the attraction. I was in a small room and one of the tests was to put a bag of water on an ultrasound and then place directly on the eye and make a movie of the tumor and placement of the eye. I had 4 assistants, residency, Doctor and Ross all in this room no bigger than a closet. I guess they don't see that big of tumor that often. I had a color yellow die put in my arm to show how the blood vessels were working. I had all kinds of tests. We were at the doctors office for 3 1/2 hours.

My dear, sweet husband was such a trooper. I know this is hard for him. He keeps saying he wants to take this away from me. But we know that I must go through this. He has researched what is good to eat and what I should be doing. I am so thankful for Ross and the support he has shown me. When I get sick, I never know what to do. I just go blank. So I am glad I have him around. In fact during this I am so thankful for the temple marriage and to know that I have an eternal family. That means more to me than anything. To be together forever no matter what happens.

Now I have had my pity parties. The day after the doctor gave me the facts - if this spreads to my liver or lungs, there is no good treatment and you will have 6-9 months to live. That was a lot to get my mind around. I have cried over that a lot. I would think of my family and look around my home and just cry. I have always thought that Ross and I would live a long life together and to have a Doctor tell you that - it hit hard. I have had a few days to think this over and I have a motto that I am going to live by and that is: "I will put my hand in the Lord's hand and hang on tight."

My biggest cheerleader is my Mom. She has been so positive. When I get down she seems to know and calls and reminds me that I can fight this. I have needed that because I sometimes let it get to me.

I guess there are different emotions that we must go through. I have had many kinds words spoken to me and many people have let me know how I have influenced them. That means a lot to me. I have to keep reminding myself this is a test. Life is just one big test and the award that we will get will come in the next life. So glad I have the gospel and plan of salvation.

For treatment they will do the radiation plaque treatment. It takes 4-6 weeks to make the plaque and then they sew it into my eye and I wear it for 1 week. That one week is going to be hard for me because I have to sit still and keep my eye still. Ross is already planning on how he is going to hog tie me down and have my children take turns coming over and making sure I don't go crazy. My family is the best.

I will fight this cancer. I want to live to see my son, Weston go on a mission and return. I want to go on a mission with Ross. I want to see my grandchildren grow and see them baptized and serve missions. I have too much to do in this life that I still want to do. I now look for the gifts in cancer. Strange but it has put a different perspective on life. I guess I needed that.

Put your life in the hand of the Lord and hang on tight. That is what I am doing. This is in God's hands now and I am doing all I can.

Love ya all and keep the prayers coming I need them.

Big "C" word

In the middle of December my left eye (Linda's) started to bother me. I felt pressure starting like I may be getting an infection or something. Christmas was coming upon us and all the visitors coming, so I just thought the pressure would go away and I ignored it. We had lots of fun times with the Guzzi family and Kimberlee visiting. After Christmas and things died down, my eye really started bothering me and I couldn't ignore it any longer. Thank Heavens for a good husband who insisted that I go and see Dr. Woolf. I called and got in to see him 2 days later. (that was a miracle that I got in so quick, my mother called and made an appointment and her appointment is in 3 weeks). I knew I was in trouble by the way I was treated by Dr. Woolf, he insisted that I go see a specialists that same day. When I walked to the front desk, they treated me differently and called the specialists and made the appointment and didn't even charge me for a copay. I knew something was terribly wrong. I got in my car and called Ross (another miracle that he was in town and not in Eunice, NM). He met me at home and I goggled a lession on the eye and found that meant cancer. I just sat there and cried. We called Jesse and went to his home and I got a blessing. Dr. Kurli diagnosised after doing an ultrasound on the eye as choroidal melanoma. Now the tears flowed.

It is Friday afternoon at 3 pm so the next specialists is out of the office to make an appointment. There are only 15 clinics who can treat my problem. I am one of 6 out of 1 million with this condition. I am so special. I come home and have a pity party all by myself. Ross has to go and pick up Weston from school because his truck is still not fixed after his accident in November. While I was having my pity party, in walks Mindy and said I was driving home and the spirit told me to stop by. Another miracle. She got me out of my pity party.

I am so upset that I can't even talk to anyone about this. So I text all my children about what I am diagnosed with. I know it is bad because Candice sends me a text saying she goggled it and asks has it spread. I do not look on the internet about it. Ross goes and starts to read about it and he tells me what he has read. Ross then calls my mother and tells her. After he tells my mom then I can talk to her and she only has positive words to say. She reminded me of what good I have done and that the Lord will help me. My mother has been a strength every day she calls me with a positive thought or scripture.

Fast Sunday so we have a special fast and blessing for me. I again am given a blessing that the doctors will be lead to find the best treatment and I will be healed. I have had to go back to the blessing when I get down many times. So blessed to have all my sons (except Weston not old enough) and son-in-laws and husband to lay their hands on my head and give me a blessing. The priesthood is such a blessing and strength. I have such great children and husband and mom. I pulled strength from them and that was the turning point for me to get strong and feel like I was ready to go forward and that I could do it. Lance and Kim were there through Skype.

I go down to Tucson on January 17th and they will make the final diagnosis and let me know the treatment. It can't come soon enough. Waiting has been hard. Weston gave the Family Home Evening lesson on patience. I guess I will learn that.

I no longer feel good about driving, my eye feels too much strain and light now bothers me. I attended the temple with Mom and Aiko and got so dizzy that I have to limit what I do. I had Marie take me to the bank and again I got so dizzy, poor Marie got so worried. When the pain gets were it makes me dizzy and hurts so bad --I just close my eyes and breathe and tell God that I now give him my eye to him because it hurts too much and I can't handle it. I give God my problem. My eye is now in God's hands. I have faith that God will get me through this. Dr. Kurli said that this is healed within. So I am reaching within with faith that God will heal me.

I have had many miracles and I know that God is with me. I have many people praying for me and I feel those prayers many times. Ross has a scripture that he posted on the mirror for me and it says "when you are weak, then you are strong". I am strong with God.

On the lighter side, Marie called me Monday morning after the big fast and prayer with all the family members to tell me about Hunter. Apparently Hunter was outside during the prayers and blessing and didn't know about my eye. So Monday morning as Tyler was saying the family prayer, he blessed that Grandma's eye would heal. Hunter after the prayer said "WHAT is wrong with Grandma?" He is my happy go lucky grandson. Not a care in the world.

My family means so much to me that I cannot write my feelings. When you have adversity it makes you stop in your busy life and look at all your blessings. I am truly blessed. I love my husband and his strength. My children have been so good and are jewels in my crown. I love my grandchildren and their sweet spirits. My parents have raised me to be a good person and I owe so much to them. I have been blessed. This is a challenge that I have been given and I will endure it with the prayers and faith of others.

Keep the prayers going and I love you,
Linda